Research Report

While listening to and exercising with the CD, I could clearly recognise the "red lines" in my live:

- When I was seven years old, my twenty-three years old brother, who was very kind and loving to me, suddenly "left me" unexpectedly. My mother sent me to the pub to look for him and bring him back. I did not find my brother in the pub. I did not find him anywhere and I went back home. An hour later, the Police came to inform us of his death. I spent the rest of the day curled up in a closet with the feeling: I am guilty.

- When I was sixteen years old, my father, who was very loving to me, "left me" suddenly and unexpectedly. Back then, I was dating for the first time, and often came back home very much later than allowed. Daddy was always very angry about this. He suddenly became ill, and had to be moved into hospital. A few days later, as I went to visit him, I found out that he had died. The shock was incredible: I was guilty.

- I started to have the first symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis, shortly after I suddenly left my husband without preparing him. I did not feel loved enough. He said that I was guilty.

- Now that my boyfriend broke up with me so suddenly, it brought back - without my realising it - all the old wounds again. The pain was so unbearable that I - quickly "over" and "beside" myself - moved out of the way, so that I would not feel it. When I came back "into myself", I first felt an extreme unbearable pain, mixed up with grief and fury. Because I felt so guilty, I was not supposed to feel furious.

After acknowledging what it was all about, I am now ready to face up to this pain. The more I face up to this pain and the feeling, the more tolerable they become. It is like a relief. It is very important for me to share my experiences. Maybe I can help others with it.

Elke